Nearly everybody has heard of and has a, albeit sometimes not in-depth, general understanding of what depression, anxiety, OCD, and bipolar disorder are, at least in the basic sense. The same goes for many other mental health conditions. However, I have seldom come across any people who have a general understanding or have even heard of depersonalization/derealization disorder (DPDR). Chances are, if you say you have a dissociative disorder and they actually know what that means, they will probably immediately think of dissociative identity disorder, previously called multiple personalities disorder. While that is, of course, a dissociative disorder as well, it is different from what we are talking about here on this blog. I feel like one major reason DPDR feels so lonely is that despite their basic knowledge and acceptance of other mental health issues, most people have never even heard of what we are going through.
Being that most people don’t know about DPDR, it’s really difficult to explain to them, and it is also very difficult as a person who has realized something is wrong to figure out why they are feeling this way. It took me 10 years to stumble upon a video that explained what DPDR is and in that moment I burst into tears because that was it! That’s what I was feeling! There were other people like me, I’m not crazy, and best of all? It is possible to beat DPDR!!!!! There was finally hope for me! I can’t even imagine how much of a difference that could have made in my life had I had easier access to finding out about DPDR. I could have realized what was “wrong” with me sooner, gotten help faster, and not been so very depressed and lonely. While I am still depressed and while it still is a very lonely place to be, it has certainly improved since this realization. I no longer have to wonder what’s happening to me or why I’m feeling this way. How are we supposed to help ourselves if we don’t even know what’s wrong? It shouldn’t have had to take 10 years to stumble upon something to get the ball rolling in regards to recovery but it was and that’s just how it is sometimes. Maybe we are the generation that will bring light and awareness to this condition. We need to speak up about this and educate people about DPDR. They will probably be very uncomfortable and that makes complete sense – people are scared of what they don’t understand and DPDR is incredibly difficult to understand if you have never experienced it. If we go about explaining it to them in a factual way, however, I believe spreading awareness is very possible.
For those of you who don’t know what dissociation is, it is a disconnect between one thing and another. In depersonalization, there is a disconnect between your brain and your body. It feels like you’re in a dream or like you are on autopilot. You know that person in the mirror is you but only because you’ve seen your reflection so many times. You might retain memories from your childhood but feel no connection to them. Like it wasn’t you who experienced those things, like you weren’t involved in them at all but rather they are just scenes you have memorized from a movie. You know they happened, but….. did they? Derealization is when you feel disconnected from reality. You may feel like reality isn’t actually real. People and things around you feel fake and you have no connection to them. Usually people who experience depersonalization also experience derealization and vice versa, but I think of it as kind of a two-subject spectrum. I experience more depersonalization than derealization but someone else might have the opposite experience. Everyone is different.
I need to go ahead and wrap this post up for now, but I will be back again to delve deeper into DPDR. I hope all of you will get something out of my posts, be it hope, awareness, courage to seek help, or the knowledge you need to help a loved one with their DPDR, and I also hope that this blog will bring us together as a community and help us to not feel so alone on our journey.
Until next time,
sadbubbles
Sad Bubbles 